Don't get caught doing these things this summer

I know I’m about a month late on this but, summer is officially here. I love it because of the weather and the beach. It seems like the hotter it gets, the less clothes people wear. By the end of July, everyone is walking around damn near nekkid, especially the women. That’s why I’m writing the does and don’ts of a summertime wardrobe. I’m almost on the verge of squirting acid in my eyes, then plucking them out with a screw driver, based on just an afternoon at the mall. Some of you women are just wrong for wearing what you have on and looking the way that you look. I don’t think half these women own a mirror. I understand wanting to look cute, but please, wear something that fits, and get a second opinion!

First off, let me start with the obvious, the feet. Now it’s hot, and I know you want to show off those cute Channel sandals that you picked up in NY or your Payless flip flops that you got from the mall, but please get a pedicure first. Some of the feet that I’ve seen this past month looks like they can sand a piece of plywood. The heels are all cracked, polish all chipped, toenail missing, and no lotion. You wouldn’t walk out the house with no makeup, so why would you leave the house with your feet all “F”ed up? Don’t wear something so nice on your feet that it attracts attention, especially when it looks like you’ve been playing soccer with a brick. So remember ladies, if you’re going to spend money on the hottest fashion sandal this summer, make sure you spend some money on some polish, too. If you can’t afford a salon, then doing it yourself will also suffice. Oh, and another thing, Dr Scholls makes corn remover pads.

Summer wouldn’t be summer without tank tops and shorts. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as its age appropriate. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen someone’s grandma wearing a pair of platform sandals, baby phat tank top, and some daisy dukes that she probably stole from her granddaughter. Don’t get me wrong, some older women can wear stuff like that, but not all. And I stress the “Not All” part. Everyone by now knows what muffin top is and if you don’t, you’re the last one to know and probably a reoccurring victim of it. Muffin top is when your jeans are too tight, and if you’re somewhat out of shape, your stomach and love handles spill over the waist of your jeans like a muffin. This is a no no. Please don’t embarrass yourself with this look. The only rolls that need to be seen on you are the cuffs in your jeans.

Tanning. I’m going to say this, there is nothing wrong with a natural looking, healthy glow, but looking like an orange glow stick, will never be in fashion. Keep it natural ladies.

There are guys who are reading this and laughing, but you aren’t exempt either. Do you actually think that you are gonna pick up women at the beach wearing Teva sandals and socks? Is that sexy? Do you think it’s cool? If you want be laughed at in your face and ridiculed all day, be my guest. LOL. Another thing about the Teva sandals, whoever invented this all-terrain sandal is just wrong for doing so. This idea should have never come into fruition. Also, guys, if you are wearing shorts, put some lotion on your knees or at least wear shorts that are long enough to cover them. Your girl will think that you were kneeling is some flour if she saw you.

If you’re thinking about getting a muscle shirt, make sure that you purchase the muscles, as well, before you wear it. You walking around like you got guns, when you really got water pistols. Don’t embarrass yourself.

If you go shirtless, keep the taco meat on your chest to a minimum or none at all. No woman wants to feel like she’s rubbing tanning oil on a wool sweater.

Remember, if you follow these rules and heed my advice, then you should have a summer full and laughter with friends instead of at your wardrobe.